Chillin with the family at Chili's

The same group of girls from the Italian restaurant gather again for another celebration! Last time the group gathered to celebrate Liz's birthday and this time we gathered to celebrate our inner fat kid by going to Chili's (with the exception of skinny girl Beth who rolled her eyes in disgust at the notion). So how did Liz, Kelly and I celebrate our inner fat kids? For starters, we split an appetizer three ways (of which half was left on the table). Then Liz and I split an order of fajitas and Kelly ordered a bowl of soup, that she barely touched. Kelly and I went so far as to split a margarita. Real fat kids the world over are currently hurling rotten vegetables in our direction (vegetables that went rotten because they were uneaten while donuts were consumed instead).

Let's break down the meal course by course. First course - margaritas. This was by far the highlight of the meal (other than the company, of course)! Per Kelly's recommendation, we ordered the Presidente margarita, which I can now highly recommend myself. I am usually very picky about margaritas and will frequently order beer at Mexican restaurants to avoid that sickly sweet, disgusting sweet and sour mix most places put in margaritas. I don't know what Chili's puts in their Presidente margaritas but they are fantastic!

The second course was the skillet queso. Kelly had a coupon for the queso, so it was free. This was a good thing, since that's how much it was worth. I prefer a traditional white queso. This was more like Velveeta cheese, beans and ground beef. It probably would have been better if they brought it out piping hot, but it was a little on the cold side. We couldn't really send back a free queso. Luckily, it came with a side of salsa, that I happily chowed down on with their salty chips. I looked up the nutrition info on this queso and it's the worst thing they have on their menu. Next time, I will get molten chocolate cake for an appetizer.

At about this point in the meal, everyone's feeling a little tipsy from their margaritas. The conversation has risen to both a content that is inappropriate for children and a volume level that allows the near by families to hear it. We were surrounded by tables of families with children because - we were at Chili's.

On to the next course - the fajitas that Liz and I split. The fajitas can best be summed up in one word - mediocre. However, I would go to Chili's again and order the fajitas again, just so I can have an excuse to drink that Presidente Margarita.

As fat kid night wrapped up, we chose to decline desert and then decided to walk the eight blocks to the free outdoor concert, rather than move our car. Commence with the vegetable throwing now.

White Girls love Panera!

Last night, a group of my female friends and I enjoyed a delicious, authentic-as-far-as-we-know Italian dining experience in a non-chain, super cute bungalow of a restaurant across from the Hunter Thompson Art Museum. This Italian eatery was snuggled in with a coffee shop, bakery and a bocce ball court. I could barely squeeze my Honda Accord in between the luxury SUVs in their cobblestone parking lot that overlooked the river. The group of girlfriends that I was with, who chose this charming place, are not the kind to frequent chain restaurants (and certainly if they did, they weren't likely to admit to it). However, over bruschetta and white wine, my friend Liz told an amusing anecdote about a retired coworker who ate the same thing, at the same restaurant everyday for lunch over several decades. She ended the tale with some gentle teasing of our friend Kelly, who always insists on going to Panera Bread for lunch when she's working with our other friend, Jade. Defensively, Kelly jumped in quickly to set the record straight before the other girls pegged her as a chain-restaurant-eater. She pointed out that she works in Cleveland, a small town in East Tennessee that doesn't attract a lot of original restauranteurs. Panera is simply the best options of the other, lesser priced chain fast food establishments. Panera offers free wi-fi, plays classical music, sells expensive coffee spin off drinks! The girls nodded and then Kelly sealed the deal by informing us that one of her customers owns the Panera and she's giving back to the local economy. Phew. This last bit of White empathy closed the case. Her position in our White Girl's club was secure.

So this brings me to the latest restaurant to be subject to amateur review - Panera Bread! We love Panera Bread! For lunch, I like to get their turkey sandwich with bacon on the Asiago cheese bread. I also enjoy their salads. As a stereotypical weight conscious white woman, who frequently orders salads I really appreciate the variety of salads that they offer. It's a nice break from your typical cobb or chef salad to get a salad with some apple slices,walnuts and Gorgonzola cheese. Also, one advantage to going to a chain restaurant over our trendy, neighborhood sandwich shops is that you can review their nutrition facts on their website before dining to ensure you make a well educated, nutritional choice.

Lunch at Panera is great but I especially love them though for their bagels at breakfast time. Bagels are my breakfast carbs of choice. I prefer them over their sweeter breakfast competitors, such as danishes, sticky buns and donuts. Living in the south my whole life, I've struggled to find good bagels.  Like any good white young adult who owns a bicycle, I would prefer to buy my bagels from local bakeries. However, the local bakeries in my neighborhood specialize in donuts, cinnamon rolls, muffins, scones and even croissants - but no bagels.  Luckily, I can rely on Panera to come through with delicious bagels!

So next time you're driving through an unsophisticated, untrendy rural/suburban piece of America, look for a Panera and you'll be sure to please any white girl in your group!

I'm not Clowning Around Here

Over the weekend, Eric and I were traveling through the mountains of Tennessee looking for a bad ass breakfast place where we could stop and get some biscuits and gravy. Unfortunately, we found nothing of the sort and finally stopped at a McDonald's attached to a gas station. We were too late for breakfast so we ordered cheeseburgers for breakfast. I ordered a happy meal because I really like the smaller cheeseburger. I think those small cheeseburgers at McDonald's are the perfect size and I wish main stream restaurants sold cheeseburgers that size. I don't want my cheeseburger to be over run by meat. I also want to taste and enjoy the cheese, the pickles and the bread. These little cheeseburgers are also only 300 calories.

So I got my $3 happy meal and my husband got a $7 combo meal. When the lady said our total was almost $11 I had to ask her to repeat herself. Am I confused and we ended up at a Chik-fila, on a Sunday? No, my husband is just that good at spending money. So he paid and I was happy. :) (Editor's note here: order off the dollar menu for the best value).

I don't go to McDonald's a lot and this is just a fact. I'm not saying this to be a White snob because I honestly like McDonald's. In addition to their little cheeseburgers that I like, I like their iced coffee. When I worked at Gnat's Landing on Saint Simons Island, I use to go on my break between shifts to McDonald's and pick up large iced vanilla coffees for everyone. These 20 ounce beverages sold for $2. Two dollars. When a new coffee shop opened in our shopping center, we tried to give it a chance. But after you tack on tax and the for some unknown reason obligatory tip to your $5 coffee drink, your ten dollar bill just turned into small change. So it was back to McDonald's.

I also like their dipped ice-cream cones. I think Dairy Queen has better dipped cones because they use darker chocolate. However, the cones at McDonald's are half the price of their DQ equivalent and of course, they're also delicious. EDGE: McDonald's.

For breakfast, I have been a long time fan of the famous Egg McMuffin. This delicious breakfast sandwich is also only 300 calories and 12 grams of fat.  Compare that to Burger King's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit that has 420 calories and 25 grams of fat or to really any other breakfast sandwich on any fast food restaurant's menu, including the other ones on McDonald's menu.

I'm sure a lot of you have seen the movie "Super Size Me," which attacks the fast food industry in general and McDonald's in particular. For the record, I enjoyed this movie and thought it made some good points, particularly about the crap kids are getting fed in schools. One point that this movie made though, was that McDonald's isn't doing enough to post their nutrition information. I had no problem finding the nutrition information online when I was doing research for this blog. The information is user friendly and accessible. McDonald's even used pictures with their nutrition facts. I could not, however, find the nutrition information for the dipped cones I like. I'm guessing this is because this is something that is only offered regionally. If your curios, I'm sure they're bad for you.

My husband and I had only one complaint about our breakfast/lunch at McDonald's and that was the fries. The fries were not hot. Now, the people who helped us were fairly nice and I'm sure would have happily exchanged the fries for hot ones if I hadn't been too lazy and hung over to get up off my ass and do this. All and all though, I enjoyed my lunch at McDonald's and will undoubtedly go there again, because let's face it - I'm an American.

BATTLE OF THE BURRITO

Over the last 10-15 years, an abundance of fast casual burrito chains have emerged across the country, and have succeeded in taking their place alongside Subway, gourmet burger joints and expensive sandwich places in the pantheon of high end alternatives to fast food. Amazingly, these burrito chains have also been cast as healthier alternatives to fast food by virtue of using tortillas instead of bread and chicken/steak instead of ground beef. This line of thinking exists despite most menu items carrying the caloric content of a Big Mac or Whopper with Cheese.

Anyways, down in this neck of the woods, two leaders have emerged as the kings of the burrito world: Moe’s Southwest Grill and Chipotle. There are several other competitors (Barberitos [too local, too similar to Moe’s], Baja Fresh [too west coast], Willy’s [too spicy, also a Moe’s ripoff], Q’doba [absolutely nothing special about this place], Taco del Mar/La Salsa [never heard of them – TOP NOTCH ANALYSIS]), but for this exercise, let’s stick to the big two, and break down their ingredients, tale of the tape style, to see who is the TRUE BURRITO KING.

(Disclosure: I have worked at a Moe’s before. Usually this makes me favor a restaurant. Just fyi.)

CHICKEN: Moe’s uses their Southwest Vinagarette dressing on their chicken, which is delicious, but dries out quickly. Unless you get a batch fresh off the grill, skip the chicken. Chipotle’s chicken is spicy, which is a personal preference, but it’s never dry. EDGE: CHIPOTLE

STEAK: Moe’s steak is rubbery, but delicious in the same way Chicken McNuggets are delicious. Chipotle’s steak is not rubbery, but equally as good in taste. SLIGHT EDGE: CHIPOTLE

PORK/BEEF: C’mon…if you’re gonna hit up one of these, go for the money meats…Chicken/Steak. Pork is the lesser white meat and since it costs the same, YOU are the loser if you get pork (or beef).

TOFU: Moe’s carries tofu for some reason. Chipotle does not. HUGE EDGE: CHIPOTLE

FAJITA VEGGIES: Chipotle allows you to get peppers/onions with your meal. Moe’s charges extra, therefore these veggies go bad quickly on the line. BIG EDGE: CHIPOTLE

BEANS/RICE: I don’t like beans or rice, and never get these with my meals. However, in order to make this a closer race and because nobody is reading this post, let’s go ahead and say… EDGE: MOE’S

CHEESE: Moe’s gives you Montery Jack/Cheddar blend. Chipotle counters with Jack/White Cheddar. Win-Win. Just make sure they pile it on. EDGE: TIE

LETTUCE: Moe’s has the giant plastic bag shredded iceberg lettuce. Chipotle’s default lettuce is romaine. Moe’s offers romaine now, but by request only. SLIGHT EDGE: CHIPOTLE…iceberg lettuce is useless.

TOPPINGS: Moe’s does NOT fuck around here. Cilantro, lime, two dressings, bacon, jalapeños, olives, diced tomatoes, corn, onions, cucumbers…it’s like they borrowed a toppings list from Papa John’s. Chipotle keeps it basic, offering very little by way of toppings. BIG EDGE: MOE’S

SOUR CREAM: Sour cream is sour cream. EDGE: TIE

GUACAMOLE: Moe’s is perfectly acceptable. Fresh, if not slightly salty. Chipotle’s is fresher, as evidenced by the fact it’s a brighter shade of green, and you can add your own salt if you so desire. EDGE: CHIPOTLE

SALSAS: Chipotle offers 4 salsas, all of which you can put on your burrito: A mild pico de gallo, medium corn and tomatillo chili salsas, and finally a HOT tomatillo red-chili salsa. Moe’s, on the other hand, only offers one salsa behind the line, their pico de gallo, which is similar to Chipotle’s.

However, Moe’s has a salsa bar for your chips that includes a hot chili sauce, a tomato based “El Guapo” medium salsa, a chunky tomato/cilantro/onion medium salsa with a terrible name (“Who is Kaiser”), a citrusy cilantro-lime tomatillo salsa, and usually another one or two new salsas they’re trying out. With similar ingredients to Chipotles, and the fact you can use these w/ your chips or dunk your burrito in them, it’s an easy winner here. EDGE: MOE’S

CHIPS: Chipotle’s chips are better. They claim to cut them from tortillas and fry them every morning (NOTE: I will not believe this until I meet someone who works in a Chipotle). They are delicious. Moe’s has standard corn tortilla chips you can find in a million Mexican restaurants or Chili’s across the country, and they thankfully abandoned the tri-color chip abortion.

However, Moe’s chips are FREE. Chipotle’s, if you get salsa or guac for your chips (also not free), will cost you $2. Until less than 90% of restaurants stop giving away chips for free, this is inexcusable, I don’t care if you have Jesus himself cutting perfect triangles out of tortillas every morning. Just give me standard chips for free. EDGE: MOE’S

ANNOYING GIMMICK: Chipotle does the whole organic-fresh farm-local produce thing, which usually makes companies and their customers insufferable. However, you don’t see too much of that, as a) again, their product is delicious, and b) pretentious white people that love all these things avoid chain burrito joints as if they were owned by McDonalds….which (HEYO!) happens to be Chipotle’s parent company.

Moe’s poor employees are forced to scream WELCOME TO MOE’S!! whenever anyone walks through the door. They have giant colorful pictures of dead musicians all over their walls. There are lame slogans (“MOE SAYS WIPE!” on the napkin dispenser) plastered everywhere. They have weird names for all their tacos, burritos, salads, quesadillas, and salsas, so it takes 10 minutes for a newcomer to decipher their menu. If Chipotle was made for the fatass that wants to pretend they’re eating healthy, Moe’s was made for the fatass that wants to pretend they’re eating healthy with ADD. EDGE: MOE’S

--------------------------------------------------------

FINAL TALLY: Chipotle - 6, Moe’s – 5

The score doesn’t indicate the fact that if you read the 3,000 word analysis above, there really is no contest. Chipotle is simply better food. Much like in real life, there may not seem to be a difference between the two, but there is. If you want free chips and a ton of salsa variety, go to Moe’s. If you want a superior burrito, Chipotle is your only choice.

IS APPLEBEES NOW FAST FOOD? A Heated Gmail Debate

SUBJECT: Is Applebees fast food?


Bethany wrote:

I just heard an ad on the radio for applebee's. They were advertising a $7.99 lunch, includes a soft drink, guaranteed to be at your table within 12 minutes or it's free.

Joe wrote:

• You were listening to the radio at work? Like AM/FM..not even pandora?

• Guaranteed to be at your table in 12 mins lol. They must have some heavy duty microwaves back in that kitchen!

• So that after tax is $8.48. That's a tough one. Plus, you have to leave a tip. Knowing the Applebees clientele, that's a $10 lunch, max. Similar to Olive Garden soup/salad/breadsticks for $6.99.

• On the other hand, if you were to get lunch at say Jimmy Johns/5 Guys/Chipotle and were so inclined to tip the people behind the counter, as people do now for some reason, you're probably spending $9-10 anyways.

• So basically I have no idea. Fast Casual i suppose.

Bethany wrote:

They must have some powerful microwaves, lol. I had a friend who worked at Applebee's in athens and she said just about everything that came in there, came in frozen and then they microwaved it. Like for the pasta dishes, they didn't actually boil water. They just microwaved them. Kind of like a marie calendar's dish you would pick up in the freezer aisle. I'm going with Applebees is fast food. Sure you have a server but you also have a server at Steak and Shake and Steak and Shake has a drive thru window, therefore it's fast food. Also, their lunch special comes with a soft drink. You can't tell me that's not a combo meal!

I can't imagine how terrible it would be to work the soup, salad and bread stick lunch at Olive Garden. Not only is it cheap but it's unlimited. So there's no telling how many trips you'll make to the table to refill soup, salads and bread sticks for your tip that most likely will be change. I went there for lunch with some coworkers from the rehab. They got that deal. Each paid on separate tickets and gave the server ten dollar bills and then asked for their change when she didn't bring it back. I'm pretty sure one of my coworkers left a quarter for the tip. Like it's 1950.

Yes I was listening to the radio. Like the old fashioned AM/FM kind. At least it doesn't have an antenna.

I understand today is signing day. Looks like we can talk about college football again!

Joe wrote:

GREAT comparison with the Steak and Shake. However, if a place has a bar, can it be considered fast food? I'm not ready to make this judgement.

As a former Olive Garden server, let me just say if you know what you're doing (i.e. SAVE ALL OLD RECEIPTS) and the clientele is right (i.e. PAYING CASH), the Soup/Salad/Breadstick lunch can be very, very, profitable.

(At this point the conversation steered to college football.)

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS RIVETING.

Is Applebees fast food?

Final Conclusion: Inconclusive

STARBUCKS: A Short Post With NEVER BEFORE SEEN Obeservations and Commentary

(Ed. Note: Below is a guest post from Macie, who claims she "doesn't go to chain restaurants," on Starbucks.)

Let’s be honest, Starbucks is probably the most overpriced coffee out there….they aren’t really using organic beans or are they helping the environment. But I am totally addicted to caffeine and the people watching every one of the stores has to offer, so I frequent quite a bit. I also love the fact that my favorite Barista, Lewis at the Starbucks at the Peach Shopping center, knows my order!

The hipsters (unemployed protesting losers) are my favorite to watch, who are inevitably at every Starbucks in America….right now. However Starbucks, being a greedy corporation (bc every corporation is greedy) doesn’t really fit into their beliefs, but they have no problem, using the power plugs to charge their Macs, and just using the air in general.

I also love listening to people order the most ridiculous things….like “Can I have a venti soy vanilla latte, no foam, extra shots of expresso, hold the whip but yes let me have that 1200 calorie apple fritter”

What is wrong with these people?

Oh and if you want to know my drink order…grande non-fat white mocha

Cheeburger, Cheeburger - I'd rather kill myself than work there

My husband and I moved to Chattanooga last summer so that he could open his own business. We are still relatively new to the area and there are lots of restaurants we haven't tried yet. So I have been buying coupons for local restaurants on living social.com. I'm sure you are well aware of the concept as there is some form of groupon or living social deal in every major city.  So when I saw one pop up for this Cheeburger, Cheeburger place, I thought what the hell, my husband will probably like it. Then I made the mistake of buying it. Now I knew that a place called Cheeburger, Cheeburger located across the street from the aquarium was going to be a tourist trap but I thought, what the hell, they can't make a bad milkshake, right?

One tired Friday night after work, we bundled up and headed downtown to use our coupon at Cheeburger, Cheeburger. We walk in the place and it smells of bug spray. There was something about the bubble gum pink and sky blue fluorescent lights that decorated the place that were dull and near burning out, combined with the smell that created a dumpy atmosphere. Not what you're looking for in an up beat, fifties style diner.

We sat in a table in the front corner of the restaurant. From there I was able to scan the floor and estimate that the dining room consisted of about 80% teenagers on dates and 19% families (and one percent me and Eric on a date). Naturally, I was horrified for the waitresses. Teenagers are largely bad tippers because they don't have any money, they don't know any better and they don't care. It's difficult to have respect for the hard working waitress when you've never worked a day in your life. The families were probably on vacation, otherwise they might have known of a better restaurant in town. People on vacation are notoriously bad tippers because they are spending money on so many other things that they are spent by the time it comes to leaving a tip. If they weren't on vacation, then they were just the kind of unoriginal, tasteless let's say "rednecks" that would come to a dumpy, overpriced diner like this. Either way, if you're a server, you're getting a shitty tip. Also, people taking their kids to a diner to get some cheeseburgers aren't expecting to spend a lot of money. Well, when fries don't come with your burger and drinks are $2.50, it starts to add up. When someone gets a $50 bill at a place that they were expecting to get a $30 bill at, you can be sure they're not going to spend even more unexpected money on the tip.

The cheeseburgers aren't ridiculously over priced but again, they don't come with any sides. One of the gimmicks at this restaurant is the sauces that they offer to go with your fries or onion rings. Be careful, I said "go with" not "come with." It's another ninety-nine cents for each cheese sauce, horseradish or honey mustard sauce you order. I'm sure lots of people don't notice this on the menu (I didn't but luckily I asked the server), order their sauces and then are pissed off when they get the bill and they spent as much on sauces as they did on the fries. We used ketchup with our onion rings.

As for the food, we each had a cheeseburger and split some onion rings. The food was okay but nothing to get excited about. Forgive my white person snobishness here for a second, but there's another place in town that serves gourmet burgers. Yes, it's very expensive but they use bread from a local bakery (white people love that local stuff) and frankly the bread is delicious. After going from that to this dry, tasteless hamburger bun - well, it was just disappointing.

I also had a root beer float. It was fantastic. Then again, how you could make a bad root beer float, I'm not really sure. My husband had a two dollar and eight-nine cent soda because he sprung for the vanilla syrup in his coke (again with the up charges).

As we were waiting to pay, I was feeling sorry for the server again. The living social deal took $16 off our tab and I can imagine there are lots of people tipping on the post discounted total not the whole amount. Then I witnessed our waitress talking to the table next to us. The guy was asking how big one of the burgers was on the menu, using hand gestures to describe different sizes. It says on the menu half pound and then in parenthesis 10 ounces (which I realize is actually more than half a pound). Nonetheless, with these descriptions the patron could still not get an idea of how large the burger is. Maybe they should put on the menu, "you've heard of a quarter pounder at McDonald's right? Well this is twice that." Still I think the waitress would be stuck trying to hold her hands in the shape of a patty so that these idiots could get a visual. Maybe a drawing done to actual size on the menu would do the trick! God, I don't miss being a server.